The Beginning of the End

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

So I’ve come to a standstill. Not really, but a (not so) small speed bump has taken over the road. I’ve decided there are two reasons for this.

Reason #1 – There is a scene I am desperately trying to avoid writing. I just don’t want to do it. I’ve known about it since the first month, and I keep putting it off. It’s making me nauseous even thinking about it. But that’s just my weirdness. I’m extremely emotionally involved with this story.

Reason #2 – I’m scared of finishing the book. What? you ask. Why should I be scared to finish a book I’ve been working on for so long? Shouldn’t I be excited to finally be done? Honestly, not really, and it’s hard to explain. First, I have lived with these characters in my head for so long now that I’m not sure how to handle letting them go. This is not a series, so let go I must. Second, I’m terrified of publishing the book. Again, I know that makes no sense. Since most of you don’t know me personally, let me illustrate this by saying that I am the very epitome of “please don’t look at me, and let me hide in my corner.” Keeping an online presence and actually promoting face-to-face are two very different beasts. Also, watching people trash my dream in their reviews is something I am so worried about that I’ve actually been having nightmares. I don’t have a thick enough skin, but it has somewhat developed over the years. And I’m not going for pity here. I’m just … well, I’m nervous. I know some people will hate it. But I’m so emotionally invested in this book that I find myself crying at random moments more than once a day. Like whenever I play out certain scenes in my head. Let’s revisit reason number one, shall we?

Sigh. I will finish. Soon.

I’ve actually been heading to do the final edits on earlier chapters in order to keep working but avoid writing—and I hate editing my own work. Seriously.

Please don’t hate me 🙂

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